Islam students at LUC

Archive for November 16th, 2008

All Praise is Due to Allah. This is a phrase that has been thrown around from the Prophet Muhammad during his last sermon to Mike Tyson during his tirade about ripping Lennox Lewis’ heart out and eating his children. All Praise is Due to Allah. It’s a phrase I use to make fun of fanatics whenever a Muslim I know does something well. I raise a finger and boisterously claim ‘All Praise is Due to Allah!”

Islam really isn’t big on holidays and celebration. Islam has taken a very harsh stance on praising the prophet, idolizing the prophet or using him as anything but a model for decisions and mannerisms. But, depending on the country you live in some people do celebrate his supposed birth. Most scholars believe this is wrong and a sin. They do it anyway. Islam has two official holidays. Al-Fitr (Read more about it here: ) The “Holiday of Breakfast” at the end of Ramadan and Al -Adha (Read more about it here: ) where Muslims polish up on their beheading skills by beheading a lamb/goat, cleaning it, cooking it and then eating it.

Most Muslims go to mosque/attend a sermon on these days and the ones that have a ton of relatives get loads of cash from their relatives during these holidays. In the words of one Muslim comedian “it shows that I care about you, but I don’t really have time because I’m busy making all this money at my gas stations! You should come work at my store so I can pay you under the table!”

Plus, the lamb is usually delicious. Muslims make big preparations for these holidays, but I don’t think it has reached the level of Christmas in any foreign country just yet. Not even the UAE, Kuwait, Bahrain or Saudi Arabia really have made an industry out of it (top economies w/ Muslim majorities).

From my experiences with Eid-il-fitr you wake up really early, dress in extremely nice clothing that your mom made you buy a few days earlier even though you clearly believe you already have nice clothing, go out real early to an unusually overcrowded mosque and listen to a boring sermon and eat the crappy snacks they have about the place. Then your family meets in the parking lot when every Muslim in the area tries to get their double and triple parked cars out and talk to their friends at the same time. They often fail at multi-tasking and it takes about an hour to leave the mosque parking lot where a lot of socializing happens despite that it’s cold as hell. This is usually when all the other muslim kids get thousands of dollars from all their uncles and family friends. Your family then drives off to go eat the eat at a fancy dining place with your family and then you hang out with them until your friends come home from school because they didn’t have the day off like you did. In other Muslim countries you usually go to a relatives house (usually the elder) and eat as a giant extended family. Families also visit graves of other family members during this time. Families often visit more than one house in this day. In America your parents usually either have someone over or get invited to someone else’s house and they try to convince you to go with them. Skip that shit.

From my experiences with Eid-il-Adha you wake up really early, dress in extremely shitty and thick clothing, go out real early to some farm with other muslims or maybe just with your family. Then your mom or dad (who ever has an eye for these things) picks out a good lamb or goat. You chase down the lamb and people help you hold it down. Then you behead the poor animal and marvel at how warm blood is as it pours out of the animal’s neck. You try not to get kicked by the animal as you wipe the bloody knife off on the animals’ coat and your mom yells at you for getting the coat bloody. You then make an incision between the animal’s coat and it’s skin, blow air into that incision and then hang it up. By this time you have to pray to Allah again. Then you gut the animal and skin it. Once you’re done with this process it’s probably time pray to Allah once more. Then you put it in the back of the car and drive home waiting to get the stink of animal shit and death off your body. You hang the lamb up in the garage as your parents deliberate on what part they want to cut off. You slice the animal into several pieces and your Dad and Mom decide what they want to eat. You ask for Lamb leg on a bed of rice. You take a shower and your sisters helps your mom cook lamb liver, testicles, heart, stomach or any other organs. You make some sish kabobs with your dad and brothers and go out back to barbeque some lamb and talk. Then the women set the table and you come in with the BBQ and the lamb leg is ready and you guys feast as a family. You put the leftovers in the fridge and then you’re free to do what you want. People generally then invite your family or get invited by your family afterwards for cookouts to eat about a 1/3rd of the lamb. You’re supposed to share the food and many families donate money so pooerer families can slaughter an animal (and eat it) too! or they buy them a lamb courtesy of your family. You’re supposed to give a 1/3rd to your wife/kids, a 1/3rd to the poor and a 1/3rd is to be shared among people you invite over.